We all have that internal “soundtrack” playing in our minds, filled with messages and beliefs we picked up from our families. Sometimes, these messages no longer serve us, and it’s time to re-record what we tell ourselves.

If you’ve read my book “Truth Bomb,” you know some about my negative familial influences: being constantly compared to others, being told your feelings or your own experiences don’t matter weighed against those of others, the damage that comes from being raised in a “screaming house,” negative money mindset programming… all of it. A great amount of my professional (and personal) journey is dedicated to rewriting or overriding the subconscious programming left behind by decades of abuse that would continue to this very moment had I not developed some seriously needed healthy boundaries with emotionally and verbally abusive family members. 

There is a method to the process of moving past family programming. It’s not that we re-write it per se… it’s more about recognizing it, reconciling it, and moving forward with our “today” reality.  Here’s a quick guide:

1. Recognize the Old Messages

Start by becoming aware of your thoughts, especially during tough times. What are you telling yourself? Are there certain phrases or beliefs that keep coming up? Jot them down. Yes, yes, there I go, asking you to journal again. Get used to it!  These phrases you’ll find may sound  something like “I’m not good enough,” “I have to be perfect,” or “I shouldn’t express my needs.”

2. Trace Their Origins

Once you’ve spotted these messages, think about where they come from. Explore this on a deep level. Whose voice do you hear? Is it a parent, a sibling, or maybe a general family belief? Understanding their origins can help you see that these messages aren’t universal truths but learned ideas. Then, with that “negative belief” written down and its origin identified, you can move forward to step 3. 

3. Challenge and Change Them

Now it’s time to question these old beliefs. Ask yourself:

Is this really true?
Is it always true, or are there exceptions?
Does this belief help me or hold me back?
What would I say to a friend who thought this?

Transform the message into something positive. For instance, change “I’m not good enough” to “I am enough as I am” or “I have unique strengths and abilities.” What I do is literally write it down on the opposite end of the same sheet of paper. The direct contradiction… your subconscious can see them together and accept the new choice in comparison.

4. Create New Affirmations

Affirmations are powerful tools for reprogramming your mind. It’s the reason we have so many affirmation meditations on our YouTube channel! Develop positive affirmations that counter the old messages. Make sure they are in the present tense and reflect what you want to believe. For example:

 “I am worthy of love and respect.”
 “It’s okay to make mistakes; they are opportunities to learn.”
“My needs and feelings are valid.”

A lot of the time we won’t accept “our own voice” with these affirmations. Your subconscious mind knows YOUR voice… so that’s another reason that playlist (linked above) will be of great help to you. Pick a topic of affirmations that is in line with where you want your thoughts to flow. My voice saying it to you will be more believable to your subconscious mind than your own internal monologue or even your spoken voice if you choose to say your affirmations aloud. (Highly recommended!)

5. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your daily routine to help reinforce your new beliefs. Mindfulness helps you stay present and observe your thoughts without judgment, while meditation can help you deeply integrate your new affirmations. This guided mindfulness session can help get you started. 

6. Reach Out for Support

Changing deeply ingrained beliefs is not always easy and undoubtedly will take time. Yesterday I was in a golf lesson. It’s something I’ve learned and worked on before. Why was I in a repeat lesson? Because these things take time! Also, I needed a teacher. This area of life is 100% more challenging than golf, and as a fairly challenging sport to master, that’s saying something. Don’t hesitate to seek support. Talking to a therapist or coach can provide you with the guidance and encouragement you need. I’m here to support you! There are some contact links at the bottom of this blog so you can reach out if you’d like. 

7. Be Patient and Persistent

Finally, be patient with yourself. Rewriting your internal soundtrack is a process that takes time and persistence. Celebrate small victories along the way and keep practicing your new affirmations and beliefs. I’m going to write that again—CELEBRATE SMALL VICTORIES ALONG THE WAY. What is a small victory? Anything. Literally, anything that brings positive energy into your life and pushes you in the right direction. 

Here are some examples of “small victories” for you to recognize: 

• Noticing a Negative Thought: Notice when you think, “I’m not good enough,” and consciously decide to reframe it. It’s a victory just because you are recognizing the thought. That’s not something that you would have done before, so that is a victory! Don’t berate yourself for having the thought. Celebrate that you caught it. Baby steps.
• Using a New Affirmation: Start your day by saying, “I am worthy of love and respect,” and feel a little more confident. Use those other affirmations I’ve prepared for you to help you mix things up a bit. 
• Staying Present: Catch yourself before spiraling into old patterns and use mindfulness to stay in the moment. This will help you notice and resist your triggers. This can also be called “mindfulness,” which basically means that thoughts about what happened in the past (even the moment that just passed) and what is to happen in the future (any moment that has not yet arrived) are allowed to pass from you. Just be in this moment with what you have and recognize the abundance around you. 
• Sharing Your Needs: Voicing a need or boundary in a relationship, even if it feels uncomfortable. When you start to communicate your boundaries, that’s the first step in getting them established and respected.
• Celebrating Efforts: Acknowledging the effort you put into challenging an old belief, regardless of the outcome. So, in other words, a victory is literally recognizing the victory and celebrating it!
• Embracing Imperfection means allowing yourself to make a mistake and viewing it as a learning opportunity rather than a failure. We can grow from everything but we have to allow ourselves that room to grow. 

Remember, you have the power to change the messages you tell yourself. By identifying, challenging, and reframing old family programming, you can create a more positive and empowering internal soundtrack. Reach out if you need support on this journey—together, we can work towards a brighter, more fulfilling future.

If I can do it, anyone can, and I’m here to help you! Schedule an exploratory session, or reach out on Telegram @DrJane. Let’s see what we can accomplish together. 

-Dr. Jane